The Varsity. Some things never change, and some do…..

Even when I was young I was an old soul, and now I’m just old period. There is, however, nothing that makes one feel quite as young as doing something you did when you were a kid. As a child, a teenager, a young adult and now as a cranky coot, an Atlanta tradition has always been  part of my routine – a trip to the Varsity. My tastes at the V have changed little over the years, but I am now fat enough to forgo the two PCs (chocolate milk on ice) and I have learned to skip that extra pimento cheese steak to go with my already complete meal. These days it’s a #1, which consists of two chili dogs, a fry or ring and an orange drink. The Tucker Tornado, as bad an influence as he is, does force me to add a grilled pimento cheese sandwich on occasion, but it’s the straw that breaks the chubby camel’s back. It’s a tasty straw, mind you DHR, but still one straw too many.

 

My experience as a youth centered on the original downtown location, which really serves dinner and a show all in one. The crowd, the frenzied activity, and the incredible speed and skill of the staff are a marvel to watch, and you get a chili dog too! When the Junior opened, it was much closer to home, and became a favorite of the gang when we separated from the parental units and ventured out on our own. Back then it was cheap too, not so much anymore. The food, however, is just as good as I remember it, and today we ventured over to scratch a fifty year old itch. Unfortunately, all things change, and the Varsity experience is no exception. 

Let me clarify, DHR, the downtown experience is still the same, except that I seem to get into a shouting match with a parking lot bum every time I go. The suburban experience is a bit different. No bums, but also, no buzz. This place has all the excitement of a, well it has all the excitement of a bank lobby, which is to say not much. The crowd is always sparse, but they make up for the lack of activity by providing slow, lazy and indifferent service. What a great trade off. Frank Gordy would fire every employee in the joint if he were to walk in today. I’ll take fast and rude over slow and inattentive any day.  If you are not crowded, the least you can do is be at the top of your game for the few customers you do have. Maybe the staff was actually striking for a “living wage” by staging a “work slowdown”, but I think not. I hear we are suffering from record high unemployment, surely with so many people out of work, you can do better.

In their favor, at the end of their display of poor work ethic and an overly long wait, you leave the counter with a tray of perfect Varsity food! It’s just as good as it ever was, and at only twice the price. We had the full crew today, and were also joined by Alabama Red, a colleague from West GA. It would be impossible to describe what everyone had, because at the V, no two orders are alike. Suffice it to say, we exhausted the menu, and it was all sublime. I dragged a former Yankee girlfriend (kicking and screaming) to the V for years, and all she would eat was fries and ice cream. Then one day she discovered the slaw burger, and changed her tune to “take me to the Varsity, Muscleman”. Needless to say, that was before I morphed into a man of steel cleverly encased in a protective layer of lard.  

But now you ask, DHR, how can the FatOne reconcile classic food with terrible contemporary  service? We could view this as a balance sheet and add up all the pluses and minuses, but that would force me to count the good with the bad and come out with an average. The V may be many things, but average it’s not.  For that reason I am forced to give two ratings to one destination – one for the food, and another for the service. What makes the food amazing is that they can take several mediocre (at best) components, and create a whole that is greater than the sum of its parts. The hot dog itself (or burger), without bun, mustard and chili would be all but impossible to eat; but put them all together and you have created a masterpiece. The fries and rings, when hot and fresh, are the best anywhere. For that, I bestow the high honor of four money bags, a lofty perch for a fast food joint. For service however, a new rating scale is necessary, as it would not be fair to me to rate it as worthy of only one money bag, or even none. Instead, for the service I am awarding “The Couch Potato”, a trophy named in honor of workers who would rather be at home – it shows.

-afb

The two minute pizza – and you get to watch!

The Oracle’s Panino – too pretty to eat!

I really like this place, and today our second visit confirmed that. It’s something that you’d expect in a trendy in-town location, but not necessarily in a strip center in Alpharetta. Campania, 800 North Main St., Alpharetta, GA 30009, 770.559.4674 http://campaniaga.com/ is a Neapolitan style pizzeria featuring an imported wood fired oven that cooks a 13” pizza in less than two minutes. They have a limited selection of hand crafted pizzas and sandwiches, all of which are excellent. Although I knew what to expect this time, the first time we went I was surprised to find that the crust is thin but chewy. I expected a hard, crisp crust which I also like, but instead, it’s high gluten with a great texture. Uh oh, I did it, I said the “G” word and I can’t let the opportunity pass without getting on my soap box – in a minute.

The dough boy loves the salsiccia

The Tornado’s Salumi – a beauty

First, lunch; DL couldn’t make it, but at our last outing he really enjoyed the pizza. The Tornado and I both had pizza, the salsiccia for me and the salumi for the Tornado. Both were outstanding, but I wonder if the burbs are ready for this type of quality product. All of the ingredients are fresh and authentic, but will that work on an audience who thinks Papa John’s is good? I hope so, because I want to come back many times. Always the adventurer, the Oracle had panino, a sandwich made with sausage and cheese in pocket type bread that they baked in one minute when he ordered his sandwich. It looked great, and was artfully presented. I love the fact that they made the bread just for his sandwich, talk about hot and fresh! Next time we come, I am going to try something different, perhaps a salad or panino for a change of pace. I recommended this place to my sister, who visited last week, and while she enjoyed it, she was not as enthusiastic as I. Oh well, that’s why they make chocolate and vanilla (I prefer vanilla). At any rate, it’s time to rate – the Tornado suggested three money bags, but I feel strongly enough to override his vote (after all, DHR, I am the dough boy). For me, this place earns four money bags all the way.

And now, I can’t help myself, but gluten???? I guess I shouldn’t be shocked at the latest trend that vilifies a food that everyone ate forever, and that now huge numbers of privileged people are eschewing due to a belief in trendy nonsense. If I hear one more person say that they are gluten intolerant, I am going to have upset bowels too. I’m not talking about celiac, an autoimmune disorder of the small intestine that occurs in genetically predisposed people of all ages from middle infancy onward, and is caused by a reaction to gliadin, a prolamin(gluten protein) found in wheat, and similar proteins. This serious condition is a medical reality, but only affects about .075 percent of the population. For the rest of us, this is yet another example of the ridiculousness caused by people who have too much time and too much money – there is no scientific evidence that gluten intolerance truly even exists. Now this self deluded belief has created an entire industry that is worth $2.6B, and will continue to grow until the next trend comes along. This is no different than the great MSG scare that caused endless anxiety at every Chinese restaurant in the country. But don’t worry; this will all fade away when the next fad takes hold. Whatever will it be, sandwich aversion? Oh wait, sandwiches are made with bread, which contains gluten, so they are already poison. I’ll take mine with EXTRA gluten, and be sure to throw on some MSG too!

-afb

The "wrecking crew" invades…….

“Good Time” applies the magic potion

When I’m not eating out, I’m cooking at home. For years, people would come to dinner and say “man, you ought to open a restaurant”. The fact that I took their advice and purchased, owned and operated the classic PTG for five years is only testament to the fact that I am an idiot. As a recovering restaurateur, it took years to begin to enjoy cooking again, but there is still one thing I do not enjoy – COOKING FOR KIDS. They have no taste and they are impossible to please. Further, the better you make something, the less they like it. My homemade pasta with fresh marinara and meatballs lovingly crafted is less well received than Spaghetti-O’s. For that reason, I basically refuse to cook for them at all, unless they are having exactly what I am.

That looks good!

Tonight the “wrecking crew” is spending the night. Five rising seventh graders that will lay waste to a house and everything in it have joined us for the evening. My wife, the Northside Goddess, keeps them entertained but I am charged with feeding them. I held my nose and made something that I’m sure no kid could complain about, burgers and dogs. Quality Costco burgers, and cheap but

tasty Publix dogs and chips hit the mark for simplicity and ease. The Goddess and I will dine separately later. I grilled their grub to sizzling and served buffet style with basic condiments.

BITE ME!

Be still my heart, I found a boy who made me eat my words. Eschewing the yellow mustard and ketchup, he looked in the fridge, found a giant bottle of Sriracha, and said “wow, this is my favorite hot sauce!” My day is made, and my faith in boykind is restored. Good Time Charlie likes it hot! He then proceeded to slather the tasty condiment on his burger, and eat it with gusto. It’s a beautiful sight to see a youngster indoctrinated into the world of the “pepperhead”.  The endorphin rush is short lived, and the rest of his life will be spent searching for the next spicy thrill, which has to be hotter and hotter. For me, alas, Sriracha has replaced ketchup, and tastes just as mild. When I go to a restaurant, I ask that they make my dish as spicy as they possibly can. I have gone as far as to ask, on a visit to a Thai place, for them to make it hot, so hot that you need to pretend I’m Thai, and that you don’t like me. Alas, I am almost always disappointed; it’s never hot enough, because nothing is. But “Good Time” brought me back to the good old days, when spicy was new and I was in pepper heaven. 

-afb

BBQ at its best!!!

Dreamland Ribs!

I well remember the first time I ever heard of, and went to, Dreamland. It was the early nineties, and I was traveling North Alabama with a colleague from Chicago. He’d heard about a rib joint in Tuscaloosa while watching college football. Apparently, there is some type of football team that plays in that town, but I’m not sure. We ventured out to a funky part of town, to a ramshackle building with a vast parking lot full of cars at almost 2:00 in the afternoon. Once inside, we were invited to sit at a picnic table shared by two other groups of strangers. A large open pit sat in the middle of the room, attended by a large black man with a stick. He poked ribs around while watching an old black and white TV. The waitress came to take our order and the only choices were: full or half slab, ribs cut or not, and white bread or nothing. We got full slabs and bread, and as soon as we took the first bite we realized that we had discovered something very special. These were the best ribs either of us had ever eaten; truly the stuff dreams are made of.

It’s been over twenty years, but I will never forget those amazing ribs. A few years back I heard that Dreamland was coming to Atlanta, and I was jacked. A location on Hwy. 141 opened not far from my house, and I rushed out there with my then nine year old son to introduce him to the best ribs ever. Imagine my shock when the ribs came – they were awful. I don’t mean bad, but actually the worst ribs I’ve ever eaten – even worse than Chili’s baby back baby back baby back boiled ribs. The BBQ tasted like someone’s house had caught on fire, and that they had left some meat inside. I was terribly disappointed, and NEVER went back.

Fast forward. Our crew was well familiar with Dreamland BBQ Roswell, 10730 Alpharetta Hwy http://www.dreamlandbbq.com/Roswelbefore I joined the group. The first time I went it was with great reticence, knowing that it would be awful. What a shock for me, because this place is the bomb. I have traveled the country, and eaten BBQ at every opportunity. I’ve had the best, too. Lexington, NC, Salisbury, SC, Memphis, TN, Birmingham, AL, Dallas TX, and even BBQ salmon in the Pacific Northwest. Dreamland BBQ Roswell is every bit as good as any Q place in America. Their ribs are unmatched, and the rest of the menu is really good too. The BBQ pork is excellent, and the Brunswick stew is great (but different than the standard by which I measure all stew, Hickory House). Although in a sense, all ribs are good, Dreamland is one of only two places I will actually order them in the Metro. The other is Spiced Right on Roswell Road, who does a great job with spareribs.

My salad fit for a FatBanker King!

Pork Plate, Nice…..

But Ribs, DHR, are difficult to eat for lunch, they are messy and they ain’t cheap. I already keep the Tide company in business, buying their stain pens by the case. Most days, I have a lunch platter or a salad, YES, salad. My wife and I have a running joke. Every day she asks what I had for lunch, and every day I say salad. Of course, we both know that I’m lying, hence the joke. Today, I had a salad for lunch, a giant, awesome salad known as the BBQ pork salad with house dressing. It comes in a huge bowl, filled with lettuce, tomatoes and cheese, and then topped with a gargantuan mound of pulled BBQ pork. It’s so big, even I, when famished, can’t finish it. You could just eat the BBQ off the top and be very satisfied, which would make our lunch joke even funnier. The house dressing is a mixture of ranch dressing and their thin, tangy BBQ sauce – this is the greatest salad ever, and makes a man size, FatBanker size meal. Dear Leader and the Oracle had the salad as well, but opted for half BBQ chicken and half BBQ pork on top. The Tornado, who as you may have guessed is a traditionalist, had a pork combo plate that is hard to beat.

Dreamland BBQ Roswell, housed in a former Western Sizzlin’ building that must seat hundreds, is always packed. The service is incredible, and the food generally comes out within minutes of ordering. Your glass is never empty, and the staff sees that you want for nothing. There is no measure on the FatBanker scale of 1 – 5 money bags that captures the excellence of this place, so, I have a new super rating for Dreamland – The stack of Gold Bars. It doesn’t get any better than this.            -afb

Vietnamese for the whitebread suburbanite, but still good!

PHO & the trimmings

Today was fun in that we had the whole crew, save for Dear Leader, who had another obligation. In keeping with the theme of “The Mysterious East”, we ventured to Viet Nam, at least in the culinary sense.  We’ve been to Saigon Café (http://www.saigoncafeusa.com/, 5530 Windward Pkwy #C-300 Alpharetta GA 30004, 770-360-6366) several times, and it is always consistent. They have a store near my house as well, and we go there every once in a while for Pho.  As a creature of habit, I always have Pho of one type or another. It is not earth shattering, but it’s good, filling, and a medium bowl (it’s BIG) is $8.50 with tax. Pho is a giant bowl of beef broth with rice noodles and different varieties of meat and seafood. I understand it is very popular in Viet Nam, and it is served with fresh condiments like sprouts, basil, jalapeno, and other herbs. When I add some chili paste and Sriracha, I am in spice heaven. All in all, it makes for a very satisfying meal. The Oracle was a Pho virgin, and appa-
rently enjoyed it enough to finish the entire bowl, no mean feat. It’s always nice to gain converts, as my goal is to fatten up everyone else too!

Rav’s Curry – Nice!

Bourbon Chicken – SHOCKING!

The Ravenous One had an interesting bowl of curry with chicken, which was well presented and smelled great. He reported that it was, indeed, as good as it looked. Chicken Charlie joined us, and dined on General Tso’s Chicken, a staple of any Chinese menu. He reported that it was tasty, but to me it looked a lot like mall style Chinese food. To its credit, it was loaded with giant scorched chili peppers, my favorite. Apparently, they are not the favorite of Chicken Charlie, as they were all that was left on his plate when he finished.

Most interesting, was the choice of the Tucker Tornado – it was that most quintessential of all Vietnamese dishes, Bourbon Chicken………… I’m surprised to even see such a dish on the menu of a semi-respectable Vietnamese place. But, in their desire to be all things to all people and please all comers, they found the denominator that even the Tornado could order and say he had Viet for lunch. This staple of mall kiosks was actually beautifully presented with rice and vegetables, and proved itself to be several steps above anyone’s expectation. Let me tell you, DHR, that the chicken was fresh, perfectly grilled, and subtly flavored – who’d have thunk it!  The Tornado was calmed, and we’ll be back. But seriously, Bourbon Chicken????

No one is mistaking this place for a Buford Hwy destination, but it fills the niche of intro Viet, is palatable to unadventurous round eyes, and is very clean and well appointed. I did notice, however, a portly gentleman come in, sit, peruse the menu and then walk out without eating or ordering. Obviously, this suburban gem has not dumbed down one of the world’s most refined cuisines enough to appeal to everywhite bread suburbanite and his brother (who may also well be his cousin)! And that, DHR, is to their undying credit. I’ll keep you waiting no longer – this place is good, inexpensive, has a large menu, and rates 3 money bags on the FatBanker scale, enjoy!

-afb

Indian Buffet!

FatBanker’s Plate – Not much white space

Well, today we had a change of pace, DHR, (for those of you unfamiliar with the excellent work of John Burdett, that means Dear Hungry Reader). The Tornado was out of the office, and the Oracle met his “family” for lunch. The last time I met my “family” for lunch, it was for a nooner at a cheap motel on Buford Highway……..But anyhoo, it was down to just the Fat One and Dear Leader, so we made an executive decision to stray from the calendar (Zaxby’s), and try something more off beat. We opted for the Indian Buffet at Madras Chettinaad, 4305 State Bridge Road, Alpharetta, 30022, 678- 393-313, madraschettinaad.com/, knowing how difficult it is to get the Tornado, when present, to dine at an Indian restaurant. He absolutely abhors Indian food, the fact that he has never tried it notwithstanding.

DL’s Plate – He’s a former hand model!

We’ve been here before, and it’s actually pretty good. The only problem, of course, is that it is a buffet, so they force me to eat much more than I actually want. Its a rule, you know. Dear Leader has more willpower than I, but he did a nice job on the buffet as well. They feature a stunning variety, a couple of spicy dishes to get near and dear to my heart, DHR, and the bread is good. It’s not, however, as good as the excellent nan and dosa that I once had at a place near North Dekalb Mall with my friend Sreedar. But, I digress……

Dear Leader agreed that everything was good, fresh and plentiful, but “DL” did find the goat to be bony and fatty. One of these days, we need get the Tornado to try this cuisine; there is definitely something for everyone. For me, it’s this weird condiment that I can’t name. It has a funky neon color, a bitter and sour flavor, and a touch of spice. For some crazy reason, I ate a full cup of it, go figure.

Drum roll please, as I know all of you are eagerly awaiting the FatBanker rating, but now is a good time to clarify something. The number of moneybags (1 – 5) has nothing to do with price, and everything to do with how much I like the restaurant. As a FatBanker, real bags of money mean nothing to me – I get all I want when we give away free samples! But, once again, I digress, so I’ll get right to it, 3 money bags it is!

Sizzling Korean at Seoul Plaza

Today the bank crowd was hungry. This may be a good time to mention that what we might be hungry for is largely irrelevant, as we have a lunch calendar developed at least a month in advance. It saves time debating where to go everyday, and allows us to get a great variety. Themes are often incorporated into our calendar, and this month has a concentration on foods from the Eastern part of the world. Today was the Korean part of the world, and the food from that peninsula is quite spectacular. Woo Nam Jeong Stone Bowl House 5953 Buford Hwy NE  Atlanta, GA 30340 (678) 530-0844. This place has an incredible lunch menu, but I always have the bibimbap. It’s served in a large stone bowl heated to a nuclear inferno, then filled with rice, kimchi pork, vegetables and a fried egg! I knew it would be a great meal when my egg was a double yolk. The rice hits the hot stone and gets crispy and crackling, and the entire dish stays blazing hot through the entire meal. BTW, I may now mention that in addition to being known as “asbestos tongue” for demanding that all my food be served boiling hot, I also fancy it to be scorchingly spicy. I like to add a bean paste based hot sauce they serve, but it is not at all spicy by my normal standard. My colleagues had also had different varieties of bibimbap, but the adventurous Oracle of Buckhead opted for the kimchi stew. It was also served in a hot bowl, and was literally boiling hard for the first ten minutes. The Oracle reported that it was somewhat spicy, and contained veggies and tofu – it looked tempting. This place is awesome, and I hope they never change a thing. The staff is very friendly, and the lunches come with several plates of side dishes and appetizers, all good. On the FatBanker scale of 1- 5, I rate this 5 money bags!

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Welcome to AFatBanker

There a millions of slick, professional food blogs pontificating on everything from the best truffle to the tastiest caviar – this isn’t one of them. I’m just an ordinary guy who goes out to lunch everyday with a group of co-workers. Our cast of characters includes “Dear Leader”, the “Oracle of Buckhead”, and the “Tucker Tornado”. We are often joined by frequent guests “Hungry Charlie” and “Ravenous Rid”.  We are confined to a relatively small geographic area, but our tastes are wide ranging and we get around pretty well.We have had some great experiences, as well as some disasters, but this is all in fun so join us and enjoy!