“Hamburgers: the cornerstone of any nutritious breakfast.” – Jules Winnfield

WARNING: This post features movie quotes that may be inappropriate for children!

OK, I’ll admit it. I’m obsessed. Well maybe not obsessed. What do you call it when you think exclusively about one thing and can’t get it off of your mind? When you live, eat and breathe one thing alone. Oh, maybe that is obsessed. But it’s not just the sandwich, it’s the name too! They create a ridiculous concoction, so outrageous in its size, ingredients and concept that it becomes a fantasy. Then they couple it with a Pulp Fiction reference for a moniker! I’ve lost all sense of balance. The Royale with Cheese. Obsession.

Vincent: And you know what they call a… a… a Quarter Pounder with Cheese in Paris?

Jules: They don’t call it a Quarter Pounder with cheese?

Vincent: No man, they got the metric system. They wouldn’t know what the fuck a Quarter Pounder is.

Jules: Then what do they call it?

Vincent: They call it a Royale with cheese.

Jules: A Royale with cheese. What do they call a Big Mac?

Vincent: Well, a Big Mac’s a Big Mac, but they call it le Big-Mac.

Jules: Le Big-Mac. Ha ha ha ha. What do they call a Whopper?

Vincent: I dunno, I didn’t go into Burger King.

Classic. We’ve dined at Bantam + Biddy, 4195 Avalon Boulevard, Alpharetta, 678-248-5159, http://www.bantamandbiddy.com/ at least four times and somehow I never noticed it on the menu. The Royale with Cheese. I can’t stop saying it. DL and I were led to our table and there it was. The Royale with Cheese. There was a pretty, young Asian girl sitting across from us, dining alone, and she had just been served. She wore tight shorts and a sheer top, but all I could see was my obsession. The Royale stared at me from her plate in all of its glory, and I thought, “It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen”. Just like Pumpkin when he looked inside Jules’ briefcase.

Jules: I hate to shatter your ego, but this is not the first time I’ve had a gun pointed at me.

Pumpkin: You don’t take your fucking hand off that case; it’ll be your last.

Jules: Normally, both your asses would be dead as fucking fried chicken, but you happen to pull this shit while I’m in a transitional period so I don’t wanna kill you, I wanna help you. But I can’t give you this case, it don’t belong to me. Besides, I’ve already been through too much shit this morning over this case to hand it over to your dumb ass. 

I couldn’t take my eyes off of it even to look at the girl! Now that’s a sandwich. We scoured the menu to find it, and it took a while. It’s because of the catchy name. The Royale with Cheese. When I saw your name I knew I had to have you. The Royale with Cheese. A voice in my head whispered, “I’ma get medieval on your ass”. The sandwich is huge. The menu describes it as a fried chicken breast, pimento cheese, and Patak bacon (an Austell specialty meat manufacturer) on a homemade biscuit ~ $10.95. The description pales in comparison to the actuality of it. A biscuit the size of a manhole cover. A huge chicken breast fried crispy but not at all greasy. A couple of fat slices of bacon, Creole mustard and pimento cheese! It’s better than fairy dust topped with unicorn tears! It even comes with a side. The Royale with Cheese. Obsession.

The Royale with Cheese. Obsession.

Fabienne: Whose motorcycle is this?

Butch: It’s a chopper, baby.

Fabienne: Whose chopper is this?

Butch: It’s Zed’s.

Fabienne: Who’s Zed?

Butch: Zed’s dead, baby. Zed’s dead.

Speaking of names, what the Hell kind of a name is Jules anyway? Is this a joke? Does Tarantino have a warped sense of humor? A freaking philosophical hit man? A murdering gangster with a spiritual side? Jules? Granted, Jules is a super macho, manly, masculine name. The very sound of it implies strength, violence and virility. Jules. But Jules Winnfield should have been named Spike. Or Zane, Gunner, Rocco, Ajax, Colt, or maybe even Shaft. Yeah, Shaft Winnfield. Better. And of course Jules Winnfield would never eat The Royale with Cheese:

DL Downplays it’s Greatness to Spare My Feelings, But It Doesn’t Help!

Vincent: Want some bacon?

Jules: No man, I don’t eat pork.

Vincent: Are you Jewish?

Jules: Nah, I ain’t Jewish, I just don’t dig on swine, that’s all.

Vincent: Why not?

Jules: Pigs are filthy animals. I don’t eat filthy animals.

Vincent: Bacon tastes gooood. Pork chops taste gooood.

Jules: Hey, sewer rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I’d never know ’cause I wouldn’t eat the filthy motherfucker. Pigs sleep and root in shit. That’s a filthy animal.

The Most Beautiful Thing I’ve Ever Seen!

Fortunately, I’m not Jules Winnfield, so I don’t have to refrain from eating my obsession. The Royale with Cheese. The waiter took our order and it wasn’t long before it arrived, my obsession. The runner set down The Royale with Cheese, and it looked even better up close, like the beautiful contents of Jules’ briefcase. Unfortunately, he set it down in front of DL, as alas, I had actually ordered the veggie plate – beet salad, collard greens, kale salad and duck fat fries, all excellent. I don’t have to refrain from eating my obsession, The Royale with Cheese, I just choose to refrain. After all, I am on a health kick. Unfortunately, the decision, while bettering my physical health, has affected my mental health. Obsession. Now all I can think about is The Royale with Cheese. That got away. DL downplayed its splendor. He said it was good but uttered little more. Later, I dragged it out of him. Yes, it’s all that. Every bite a treasure, every component perfect – it tastes just as good as it sounds. I had to get out my wallet to pay for the veggies, $12.

Excellent Veggie Plate!

Jules: I want you to go in that bag, and find my wallet.

Pumpkin: Which one is it?

Jules: It’s the one that says Bad Motherfucker.

Duck Fat Fries. They Would be Perfect with My Obsession….

Let’s take a quick look at the AFatBanker Balance Sheet:

ASSETS: Imaginative food, great selection, always lots of pretty girls eating lunch

LIABILITIES: Too chick friendly, Gluten-free jalapeno corn muffins, really? Gluten-free anything, really!

NET WORTH: B+B gets my highest rating, FIVE money bags! Good job.

I would also like to award my superlative honor,

For Sandwich Excellence, The “Crown Jules”!

The Crown Jules, to The Royale with Cheese, the best sandwich I NEVER ate! Obsession. OK, I can’t resist one more quote from the anti-hero, Jules:

Jules Winnfield:

Shut the fuck up, fatman! This ain’t none of your goddamn business!       -afb

Best of the Summer!

Perfect Better Boys, cherries and incendiary jalapenos & Tabasco peppers!

Well Dear Hungry Reader, the tomato season has been pretty good so far. The FatFarmer has enjoyed a nice yield, especially on the Better Boys and the cherry tomatoes. My vines may have actually played out already, except for the Bush Goliath, which is just starting to fruit.

Now to find ways to eat them before they go bad…..

Gazpacho with chopped jalapeno and fresh sour cream. Nice…..

Taco. Pero No. Ah So!

Well it’s great to start off with a mildly racist, Fifties style pun for a title. “Me so solly” – thank you Herschel Krustofsky. But, I am totally enamored of the idea of fusion tacos. Ever since I first heard about and saw them on the cooking shows I knew that Asian tacos would be for me. They even opened a new Korean taco joint right near my house, but, outside of Noche, I don’t think I’ve ever had one. Keep in mind that I am a purist, and in many ways the whole mash up concept seems stupid to me, but how can it be bad to take the best of three worlds and cram them into one sandwich? I have no idea how I heard about Taqueria Tsunami, 1570 Holcomb Bridge Rd, (770) 993-1530, http://www.taqueriatsunami.com/ located in a once forgotten shopping center in Roswell. It’s not terribly far from the office, and I drive by often but have never noticed it. We ate there last week, and I had a chance to confirm my instincts.

The Quatro for Dear Leader!

Firstly, my instincts were that the concept is perfect, that the space would be a storefront with limited service, that the execution would be professional but toned down, and that there would be nothing truly fiery or exotic. Damn if I wasn’t almost totally right on. I went completely wrong on the space, mostly because I was envisioning the wrong shopping center. Taqueria Tsunami is located in the revamped yet quiet center that has Aqua Blue out in the parking lot. It’s a large, airy, modern box with brightly colored accents highlighting a roomful of dark, earthy tones. Much to my surprise, it is a full service eatery, and was not particularly crowded on the July 4^th holiday getaway day. We were seated immediately and quickly started to study the lengthy menu.

I’ll Have the Same….. Great Cuke Salad!

Two things jumped out at me right off, the bowls and the tacos. The bowls sounded similar to bibimbap; a serving of rice covered in meat and veggies with a Mex or Asian accent (Flied lice? Ruv you rong time). Sorry, I can’t help myself. I just love The Last Temptation of Krust! I’m laying off the rice, so tacos seemed the natural choice for me. Tsunami features The Trio (2 tacos and a side of your choice) and The Quatro (3 tacos and a side of your choice). I ended up with the Quatro because all of the tacos sounded so good. Trust me, 2 tacos would have been plenty, so I ended up taking the third home. Both Dear Leader and I ordered the exact same tacos, but he got the tossed salad and I got the cucumber salad for a side. We chose one BBQ Short Rib Taco – Short ribs smothered in Kogi BBQ sauce and topped with cucumber salad; one Pacific Rim Taco – Grilled chili crusted Mahi topped with lettuce, pico de gallo and hoisin lime aioli; and one Rising Sun Taco – Vietnamese style pork topped with Asian slaw and cilantro. The short rib was excellent, like a sweet, sticky, pot roast in a taco with the vinegary bite of cucumber for added crunch. DL thought it too sweet, but I smothered mine with Sriracha to balance the flavors. And because I like Sriracha. The Mahi was OK, but frankly, unlike the short rib, it failed to distinguish itself from the numerous fish tacos that I’ve eaten everywhere else. I saved the Viet pork for dinner and think it may be my favorite – the salty pork, tangy slaw and fresh taste of cilantro work well together, and it reminds me of the tacos I make at home. My favorite thing on the plate was the cucumber salad – thin sliced cukes with slightly sweetened vinegar and toasted sesame seeds. Divine.

Shrimp Salad for The Slipping Oracle…….Brain Food.

What we didn’t try, but also looked good was the Asada Zing Taco: Bulgogi (Korean) marinated steak topped with shitake mushrooms, lettuce and soy-sesame vinaigrette, and the Tofu Taco: Marinated and grilled tofu, topped with lettuce, sesame soy vinaigrette, shitake mushrooms and roasted corn salsa. Perhaps next time. The Oracle may be slipping in his omniscience, but it isn’t due to an unhealthy (or varied) diet. He put his menu down quickly and ordered the (you guessed it) salad. At least it was the Shanghai Shrimp Salad: Grilled shrimp, romaine lettuce, tomatoes, red onions, avocado, roasted corn and cilantro. It had some type of Sriracha ranch dressing, the shrimp looked rare, and The Oracle said that it was unusually good. And you know how filling and satisfying salad is. He was stuffed sick on the way back to the office. So full he had the salad sweats. It just sits in the bottom of your stomach. Salad will do that to you. So rich. And it stays with you all day. Yeah. Before we got back to the office he wanted to stop for lunch again.

So, DHR, I know you must be asking, how, oh Overstuffed Officer, does Taco Tsunami rate on the AFatBanker Balance Sheet?

ASSETS: Pleasant space, exciting taco menu, cuke salad to die for

LIABILITIES: The food is toned down for the masses, and lacks fire and exotic pizzazz

That’s # 1/2 Senor Gwai Lo!

NET WORTH: Drum roll please! For the first time ever I am awarding 3 ½ Money Bags. I don’t even have a picture for that. Tsunami is better than a Three, but its general blandness keeps it just shy of Four.

Don’t get me wrong, Dear Hungry Reader, I really like this place but I know what would push it over the top. Fresh made, or at least cooked from raw, flour tortillas and a couple of badass sauces involving cilantro, Thai chilis, maybe some pungent Viet fish sauce, some raw jalapeno, may ploy and a little chimichurri. Not all mixed together, of course. I say push the edge of the envelope and ride that rocket to the infamous “stack of gold bars”!   -afb

HOLA! Taqueria & Bar – So Good, So Far……

Morita Salsa. Better Than Most…

I guess I’m uninspired, or maybe just perplexed. Normally I’m really excited to share new places with you, Dear Hungry Reader, and motivated almost to the point of mania to get my thoughts on paper. So why, I keep asking myself, have I dined at HOLA! three times and still not managed to write a word? It’s a meaty riddle stuffed inside

Fresh, Crispy Chips

a cheesy conundrum, wrapped in a pork belly mystery and then deep fried in puzzle renderings. Stranger still is that I really like HOLA! yet have to force myself to sit down and say something. Fortunately, my thoughts are starting to flow now, just like the nacho cheese fountain at Cal Naughton Jr.’s wedding. OK, enough metaphor. HOLA! Taqueria & Bar is a nouveau-Mex feeder in a post industrial space that looks like it was once a family style steakhouse. It’s open, shiny and sparse and serves up a fresh take on the tired old number thirteen.

Superior Fish Tacos!

Seriously Taco

Unlike my normal self, the three times we’ve been here I’ve had the same thing each time – excellent fish tacos served with coarsely shredded slaw, charro beans and fresh corn off the cobb. I always choose the corn tortillas, though I generally leave them on the plate and tell myself I’m eating health food. The fish is excellent. If I had to guess, I’d say flounder or tilapia, lightly dusted with cornmeal and flour, then fried to crispy perfection such that the filets wouldn’t even leave a grease spot on a piece of newspaper. Good stuff. They serve a house made habanero sauce with the fish that tastes like habanero wing sauce, and sometimes is actually a little hot. The tortillas are fresh, but likely not homemade, the corn is a good alternative to rice, and the dish is quite satisfying overall. I can’t help but scarf down a few of the obligatory chips, which are golden and crisp, dipped in the excellent morita slasa that has a charred, smoky flavor that makes me want to smother everything in it.

Quesadliia for DL

And a Burrito Too!

Dear Leader and The Oracle of Buckhead have been a bit more adventurous than I, sampling such dishes as grilled shrimp salad and gazpacho, as well as burritos and quesadillas. The Oracle has had the shrimp salad – grilled shrimp, mixed greens, avocados, oranges, red radishes, cotija cheese with roasted corn vinaigrette at least twice, and it is a good looking salad. You can tell they cook the shrimp just so rather than to death. It’s a nice touch. All of the tacos are good, and I’m really inclined to try the pork belly tacos one of these days. DL likes the quesadillas and burritos, which are truly a cut above the typical Tex-Mex joint, which Hola! isn’t.

Shrimp Salad. A Cut Above!

Gazpacho. Weird, It’s Pureed…

I’ve tabulated the AFatBanker Balance Sheet to see how Hola! totals up:

ASSETS: Excellent salsas, high quality ingredients, interesting menu choices, great service

LIABILITIES: Costs more than a #13

NET WORTH: I like Hola! – It’s a breath of fresh air, and I award it Four Money Bags

Salad Redux!

We’ll be back for tacos and salads, and someday, we’ll see what that pork belly tastes like too!

-afb